Don't Fuckin Say That Stupid Shit!
*This post expands on Deb’s last post, check it out here.

“That old lady called me on my shit and it hit me like Mike Tyson in his prime…”
I sat down with my small group at a table that was linked to all the others in the room making a large U-shape. My friend and mentor, Marty, the doppelgänger of Jeff Bridges from Crazy Heart and Hell or High Water, sat to my right. My friend Brad (for the purpose of this writing, we’ll call him Brad) sat to my left. We sat in this early morning Alcoholics Anonymous group waiting for the meeting to start. This was a very important day and meeting for Brad. He had just completed his 30th day of sobriety and was getting his one month chip. For anyone battling alcoholism or in recovery, you know how significant that one month chip is. Brad had become a father figure to me in the early days of my recovery journey. So I'm at this meeting because I was supporting a man I watched struggle with alcoholism. For the last four weeks, I heard about the traumas that he battled which ultimately led to his fight with and recovery from alcoholism. Marty was our counselor and also a recovering alcoholic. Marty had this way of giving you a hug that you could feel in your soul. You could feel it in your bones. He radiated an energy of compassion and love that I’ve never felt or experienced with anyone I’ve ever met. He showed me that recovery is a lifelong battle and journey that we must stay on top of at all times. That we must stay mindful of our vices and behaviors, and to give ourselves grace with our recovery. But I digress… It didn’t take long into the meeting until an older lady, probably 65-70 years old, who was hunched over the table and holding onto her coffee as if she just had a long stressful day at work, raised her hand to speak. I don’t remember her name. Not that it matters because that defeats the purpose of it being called Alcoholics Anonymous. But for his article, let’s call her Rita.
Until that day, I never had the perspective Rita did.
People tend to scoff at affirmations and “positive self talk”.
We are sceptical because we feel like it is cliche, unbelievable, melodramatic, corny or gushy. I know for myself as well as my friend Deb, we have both told ourselves, “I don’t even believe the things I’m saying, so why even say it?” The answer is… Because you fucking need to hear it even if you don’t believe it. And just because you don’t believe it right now DOESN’T MAKE IT NOT TRUE! So say the beautiful words you deserve to hear and believe because they apply to you, chucklehead! Think about the negative things you say about yourself.
Would you say these things to your son, daughter, niece, nephew, mother or grandmother. Would you tolerate someone else saying those things to them? Would you tolerate them saying these things about themselves? My guess is, you probably wouldn’t. So instead of saying these stupid and inaccurate things about yourself, go to the mirror and look at yourself. Find one thing and verbally complement it. Find something that you can try to appreciate every day. Something simple. “I like my eyes. They are change color from gray to green to brown. They let me see the world and I’m grateful to have both of them because some people don’t have the blessing of eyesight.” Or “My workouts are paying off! I’m looking good, I’m feeling better and I know someone in this world will find it attractive and desirable. My tattoos accent my body and make it a work of art. My tattoos tell my story. I look good today.” or “I am worthy of love and respect. I give myself freely to my partner and I am honest in word and deed. I give love and I accept love from those around me.” Or “I am loved, wanted, desired.”
And if you can’t find wonderful things to say about yourself, contact Deb and I for a coaching session and we will help you find those wonderful attributes of yourself. Because no one deserves to go through this life not knowing or believing there is greatness within you. But again, I digress…. So… stop saying these horrible and self destructive things to yourself. You are worth more than than you realize. You deserve to see yourself the way others see you. You deserve to see yourself as the beautiful, kind, loving creature that you are. Don’t fucking say that stupid shit! You deserve better!